Have you been hurt constantly?
Growing up without the knowledge of self worth makes us tolerate conditions that did not serve us well. Just because you’ve been through hell, doesn’t mean that you deserve it nor that you should put up with it.
I would have made a video upon this topic but I will wait for a bit later on. I’m aging gracefully, but love to teach others that were once in my shoes to grow their wings, and fly.
We are going to work on our ✨boundaries✨
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic person. There’s times when you become comfortable with a cycle. Where , becoming upset, trying to voice how you feel, having emotions unvalidated and feeling guilt. Mind you, gaslighting will make you feel guilt and even keep you in a toxic relationship. There’s times where someone will tell you one thing because they know it would hurt you. Or, they would isolate you from your friends and family. Double standards is another concept, where it’s acceptable for the other party to react a certain way but not for you.
Having to stand strong on your boundaries will teach people that;
1) You value yourself
2) Stand on business
Being a people pleaser will have you hurt in the end. Being compassionate is one thing but being a walk on mat is another.
If someone shows you their true colors the first time. Usually, for me it’s our first argument. Don’t ever forget that they treated you. Keep it noted, and you decide whether you want to keep them in arms distance or if you want to cut them off. Healthy boundaries, and communicate establish a healthy relationship with yourself and others. I’m in a position where I am able to depict how close I want people to me. At times, people think that they are closer than what they are.
If you had healthy boundaries and understood self worth, these red flags would have been detected earlier. Mind you, we cannot get our time back. I was in a relationship till 25, and that’s my mid twenties and built myself from 25 and on. So, I am giving you my input on what I’ve learned. I would usually use AI to help me with this portion but a human touch in my personal development blog is much needed. With a narcissistic person, silence is the best way to combat their abusive or their counteracting techniques. Healthy boundaries are a vital part in your personal life, career or even when you’re an entrepreneur. Sometimes, you have to give the snip snip.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.
It’s your job to make yourself happy. Yes, family is vital but family can also overstep the lines. Even children, teaching a child to have boundaries will teach them to become confident and understand that this is where I draw the line. I’ve read CBT books, and sometimes I would talk to my past relationships with when in an altercation, like I am talking to a child. It helps, when an adult so throwing a fit.
Recognize
Your own opinion
What you will compromise
Information that you are willing to share
How to say no
How to realize a boundary has been destroyed
As men would say, they have dealbreakers, as a woman I don’t like when people overstep. Meaning, if I don’t share something or if I am not ready. Don’t force it.
“I feel uncomfortable with sharing that information with you”
If they ask why? Tell them, I feel uncomfortable, and that you’re trying to establish healthy boundaries. If they respect you, then they would understand. If they don’t, well, that’s shows you that they don’t value you.
People pleasers do not get far, they get walked on. It’s those that break glass ceilings that get what they deserve because they have the audacity to ask for it
One of my triggers is when someone raises their tone with me.
“I need you to change your tone of voice when speaking to me, or else this conversation is over”. —- stand on how you wanted to be treated.
If you had a nephew, niece or child how would you want their significant other to speak to them? We are setting standards for the next generation.
Here is a CBT workbook that will help you build the confidence
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than waste time with toxicity. You have to believe that you are the prize. For me, I am the prize but no one can win me. I am just for myself.
I strategically will place people on certain tiers, know your worth. You are worthy.
If there’s a weakness learn to cut it off. I cut people off with by using this method.
– I find a reason why I don’t like something or feel disrespected
– I address how it made me feel, and why
– I start to distance myself slowly with small increments over time. I usually respond very quickly.
When I lose interest, it goes from ignoring people from one hour, to four, to eight, to days, months, years and then I cut them off. I no longer need their energy or enjoy their presence. Or, they no longer align with your values.
Now, I am quick to the point, friends or nothing. Respect my boundaries or nothing. Speak to me kindly, or nothing.
To become a strong woman, it takes time and patience. I used to be scared, shy and timid. I couldn’t even stand to be in a room full of people. I would cry easily. It’s all about the small success
If you need help, you can always contact me for guidance.
Or check with a counselor
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