Have you cooked and followed a recipe?
As we know this blog is about self improvement. I think my purpose of being here and my experiences in my lifetime has taught me quite enough. Take my experiences, steps and advice as a foundation for your recipe and you add your additional spices to become better. I want everyone to be better than I am. It shows that I’ve taught someone enough to strive for higher. (I’ll have a video up but I’m recovering from the flu and sound like squidward)… Tbh, I find that most traffic generated on this site are for the posts in general. Which, I truly appreciate. I think, it might be the SEO.
Some topics we will touch base on is
How to Heal from a heartbreak, leveling up mentally, physically, and career/school wise. Sadly, the cards that have been handed to me were not from the best deck. Luckily, though you are not alone, and I most likely have the answer! We will figure this out together!
Our topic of the week is ✨Narcissism✨
Ps: this is not a jab at anyone from my past. You were all great……………….. and I am thankful for our past. Chapter closed.
However, for the sake of my younger selves, I’m going to teach you how to save your time. I know, you may think that, “he’s/she/they/them is the one for you”.
Common sentences:
“No matter what, I can’t let them go”.
“He/she/they/them will be better next time”
“It just happened once”
“He/she/they/them is sorry” or never taking accountability.
“The highs are highs, and lows are lows”
Let me save you time, darling and let you know that you may be a victim of Narcissistic abuse. There’s a cycle, red flags, that most narcissists follow. It’s like a check box. The faster you can leave one, the better you’ll find the right one that’s for you. I have a bit of narcissistic tendencies too, I am highly self aware. This post is coming from someone that has those tendencies and has dealt with men with the same tendencies as well.
So, let’s roll 🏁
How to Spot A Narcissist (Bullseye 🎯) :
I work with what I call, “Chads” in my field of sales. Majority of men in this field are handsome, charismatic, narcissistic, and sociopaths. I love them, don’t get me wrong and not all of them are like this but being around an abundant amount of these types of people (both genders) helped me become cognizant of reading their energy, and body language.
Most narcissistics need to feel a need importance or seek external validation to feed their egos. They will literally go insane if they don’t receive attention. Thats why your best ammunition when combating a narcissist is learning how to keep your power, and not give them too much time and energy.
They lack of empathy, and most of the time they won’t show it. They come off very magnetic, likable, charismatic, chivalrous, and nearly perfect. They’re not. Majority, of the times they are mirroring you or have done their research on you before even speaking to you. They see you as their prey, or trophy.
Entitlement and arrogant, there’s a huge difference between confidence and entitlement/arrogance. Most narcissistic tend to think that they are better and are deserving of everything. This mentality in corporate is rewarded, even as athletes in school. They may think they’re hot shit, and no one can knock them down off their pedestal. Confidence: is being understanding in your skills, accepting humiliation, and believing in continuous learning and improvement
Narcissists: believes they have no flaws, and they’re absolutely perfect. (Other terms) Everyone else around them sucks.
Envy/Jealousy: They are overly competitive with their friends, easily jealous or agitated. This is a HUGE red flag. It shows that they are insecure. That’s the energy that you don’t want around you. Realize this, from what I’ve learned. If a man is insecure, he will try to dim your shine. Once you leave, that’s when you will begin glow up the most. Even with friends, once I am told by someone that they are jealous, or even feel a bit of resentment towards me in a way. I will space myself. Surround yourself with positive vibes. An insecure person will drag you down in life, and hold you back from your highest potential.
Lack of accountability: They will never take accountability for the harm that they have done to you. If anything the narcissist will shift blame onto you, even if they did you wrong in every aspect. If they can’t get to you. Then, they will speak badly upon you to others to change their perception of you. Stay calm, you know yourself best. Those that have watched you endure your abuse know the truth too. My therapist Ms. Olga told me, that narcissists won’t feel empathy for hurting you. They will tell you things like, their family said you deserved to be beaten if they knew you cared how people looked at you. The only way for you to address these things are spot on. I take forever to address a lot, and ignore everyone. Now, I’ve learned to save time to be upfront. The narcissist will find your weakness and break you down bit by bit. Even, convince you that you are the crazy one, when truthfully, they way you reacted to the gaslighting, cheating and abusive was your reactive state of mind. You can’t continue to hurt someone, and expect the same love. Women will detach mentally before they do physically. I sure well, damn did. However, I’m not made to be in a relationship.
Stages in a narcissistic relationship
Lovebomb (Idealization)
This comes with extravagant gifts, perfection, adoration, complements and all of the above. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of this and all significant others don’t. The part I draw the line is when someone wants to date my after fifteen minutes of meeting me, asking me to commit after five days, and trying to wife me up. I love a sweet person, but someone that wants to learn you well. Take things slow and build over time, I would take that over someone that wants to jump the gun.
Devaluation
Occurs when they begin to degrade you, put you down because you don’t give them what they want. Whether it is sex, or their way in general because they have ✨control issues✨
Sometimes, you might even be gaslit into thinking that you were in the wrong or what you have felt or thought had not occurred or is invalid. I will touch base on gaslighting soon, for I’ve learn from my previous ones, due to observation.
Trianglution:
The narcissist will bring a third party/ others into your business and manipulate their ideas onto others or influence the people around you. Make up lies about what people had said, because they knew it would hurt you. They’ll do WHATEVER it takes to keep you around.
Don’t be trapped.
Especially, if you’re a good woman, and they “can’t see you with anyone else”. They will try their best to do anything to trap you in that moment. Remember, you are strong enough to break the cycle. Treat your emotions like a business.
Hoovering: When relations ends but party stalks or at times seduces back into a relationship.
Mind you, toxic is fun but it sure is not a forever thing. Unless, you want it to be. Then, it’s going to be a painful journey.
How to Turn The Tables on a Narcissist
1) Play along (if you dare) but it’s going to hurt. Have an escape plan, play the damsel in distress. The perfect wife. They’re right, you’re wrong. You love them, and would never leave. Play the part like your life depends on it. Meanwhile, have an emergency bag ready, make sure that you strategize and have a plan. So, you don’t leave yourself to nothing.
2) CUT OFF ALL TIES
I’ve had someone email me, stalk me irl/social media, throw a rock at my window to get my attention, literally, the hardest part is to cut off ties. Once you do, take it day by day. They will not change, if they wanted to they would’ve. They would have taken therapy seriously. They would have read self help books. They have enough discipline for things they love, if they loved you? Why wouldn’t they change for you. They won’t.
Narcissistic don’t change, they change partners and find a new victim.
3) REMAIN DETACHED, and nonchalant
When I’m getting screamed at or offended it is tough to get under my skin. Detach, and do not give in. Their eyes will dilate because they enjoy this. Stay silent, quiet and that you don’t care. They want to break you down. When they realize they can’t. They begin to become insecure and back to being sweet.
4) Find support
You’re going to need to have friends/family to help you realize that this is not normal
It feels normal but it’s not. They will help you.
Find the right people.
And if you CAN
MOVE TO A DIFFERENT STATE/CITY and start your journey
DO NOT JUMP INTO A RELATIONSHIP
Find yourself and build. You will be stronger than ever.
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